Are You Ready For a Relationship? (Crosspost)

How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love more than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!

Song of Songs 4:10

I have quite a few friends that will love to be in a relationship. They would love to have that one person that they can be with and not have to worry about being a lone. I tell all single women "you are single right now for a reason, enjoy your time alone." This is a statement most single women would not want to hear, especially coming from a woman who is married or in a strong relationship. I have to admit I didn't want to hear this either, but now that I'm married with 2 kids I completely understand why that is said.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and children. They are God sent. I believe that my husband was specifically picked for me and my children mean the world to me. I would do anything for them. But there are times where I wished I didn't have to care so much about so many people. The spontaneous side of me has completely left. I cannot do anything last minute because I need to find a sitter or make sure my husband is not busy that same night. I can’t' just travel the world for lengths of time because I have a family to come home to. I also can't just spend all my money on me because I have children that need to eat, needs clothes and other items. Oh just to have that taste of freedom one more time. But every morning before I get ready for work, I look at my 3 month old, and all the wants of me, me, me, me just disappears. As I look at my husband I realize how lucky I am to not wonder how he feels about me or are we in a relationship yet. If the ring on my finger does not give me that information than I don't know what will. As I watch my 12 year-old get ready to catch the school bus, I realize how much I enjoy him growing up right before my eyes. I can see right in front of me the stages of his development from a child to an adolescent to a teen, to an adult. The thoughts of the single life quickly disappear.

Those thoughts disappear so quickly because I have been there and done that and now I can “delight myself in the love” of my family. While I was single I really enjoyed my time. I enjoyed figuring out what makes me happy and what I don't like. I enjoyed traveling to places that I would never pick to go on my own. I enjoyed dating whoever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I even enjoyed not dating. I enjoyed the sense of self that I felt when I walked into my own apartment. And because I was lucky enough to really enjoy this time, I can really enjoy my marriage and kids. Can you really look at your life and say wow, I have done all that I am going to do as a single person? I can, the only thing to enjoy now is a husband, and kids. Sometimes we as women may dream of being a mother and wife, and watching our friends and family achieve the things that we want the most can be so heart breaking. However, know that because you are seeing it right before your eyes it is close for you. Remember don't forget to enjoy the life you have now as you wait for the life you dreamed of. Just because it is not your dream life doesn't mean it can't be a good life. Don't work to hard to achieve the relationship of your dreams, where you forget to enjoy the relationships along the way. Those relationships are teaching you and helping you for that long lasting relationship.

Thank you,

F.P.E.

To Be or Not To Be: A Social Butterfly

It’s been 3 months since my child was born and I am just itching to go out and have a good time. Prior to being pregnant I didn’t go out much but I had the luxury to go out when ever time and finances allowed. It was always fun to just hang out with the girls or even my husband and just relax. Entertainment is something we all need in order to get away from the problems, issues, or concerns of our day to day routines. So now that I’m 3 months post partum I’m ready to go out and all I hear is you have a two month old (now 3 months). Why is being a social butterfly so controversial for parents?

Once you decide to have a child you are told your life changes and the “you as you know it is no more and your life now should be focused on your child. But is that really the case? Does anyone else long for the “you” that you use to know? It may just be a case of wanting your life back and things being back to “normal” but whatever it is, it is gnawing at you and making you an unhappy mom and/or wife. Is it really bad to want to go out with friends once a month or maybe even once a week? Am I really doing my child an injustice by leaving her at the sitter while I get some well needed entertainment outside of my household? And am I being a bad parent or am I being a good parent by allowing myself to blow off some steam so I can give my child the love he/she needs.

I currently struggle with this item as we speak. I sometimes feel sad that I allow myself to as if I am the primary parent and therefore feel reluctant to enjoy life outside of my family. My family should give me enough fun, and entertainment that I need. Why do I need to look elsewhere? In some way I feel as if I’m hurting my stepson, newborn, and husband by enjoying life without them. However, I so miss going out with my friends, and being free to up and go as I please. Now don’t get me wrong, my husband is all for me to go out and he’ll watch the kids, but I would feel like it’s all my fault if something should happened and I was out partying.

I personally do not feel there is nothing wrong with going out and enjoying life even if it is once a week. A few of my friends are single parents (my husband was prior to our marriage) and I realized that going out wasn’t a way for them to get out of being a parent, but it allowed them to do something else for a moment so they can be reenergized for their children for the next month, or next week. If we surround ourselves with our kid’s life we can create a loneliness and emptiness in our lives that can lead to many different directions as our young ones get older. We may end up trying to live life through our kids, we may wake up one day and realize how empty our life is because we focused so much on our child that it can in some way lead to depression. As long as your child is being taken care of by a well trusted person then do what you have to do to keep your sanity so you can be All Women to your family.